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I post new dating advice for women every Sunday.
I think it’s time I finally talked honestly about this.
For years now, I’ve read comments asking the question:
“Matt, are some guys just not ready for commitment? Why? What’s holding him back? Will he change?”
As a woman, this can be so annoying. It can even seem downright unfair.
You meet an amazing guy, you can tell he’s really into you, and yet he gives you the “I just want to have fun” speech.
Yes, it sucks.
But I believe knowledge is power - and understanding why men behave this way will help make it so much easier to walk away from situations where he’s never going to change his mind.
So here is the real truth about why he won’t commit...
"Land Called Fantasy" by Ziv Moran
"Afterglow" by Be Still the Earth
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Freedom and independence is more valuable than what women can bring to the table after they've ridden the casual sex carousel into their 30s and are backed by the state who will ruin his life through divorce.
#3 and #4. He wants to travel the world and fuck as many women as possible. His explanation, I’ve worked hard in life to get where I am and my part of the path in my future does not involve a “traditional” relationship. He’s 47. 🤦🏻♀️
Matthew, I'm RELISTENING to this again, BECAUSE I NEEDED SOME SUPPORTIVE WORDS FOR ME HAVING DONE STH OF A WHAT YOU CALL HIGH-STANDARD-WOMAN AND IT HELPS SO MUCH HEARING THESE WORDS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INCREDIBLY GREAT SUPPORT OFFERED TO ALL OF US, MOSTLY WOMEN :-)
I just ended a "relationship" because of just this. What a nice confirmation. Right guy at the wrong time is still the wrong guy. And not seeing one's self worth, and believing in the perfect life and marriage is detrimental.
So if you allow a man to walk over you or lower your standards but you really like the guy, then how can you make him realise that you’re not going to take anymore of his bullshit? Please ☺️ thank you x
Mariah carey just came out with a song called GTFO go listen to it and if that dont change your damn prspctv than stay with him dont complain or get upset and deal with it and take it otherwise be a woman KNOW YOUR DAMN WORTH AND LEEEEEEEAVE!!!!!!! Simple! Damn why you females gotta cry over somone who dont love you enogh too commit ?? 😂😂😂😂😂
Are we talking "commitment" as in marriage, living together, a serious long-term relationship, or just being exclusive? Each of these have pretty different dynamics and standards. And you missed a critical point: if he is not 100% sure about you, why is it? Is it because you are really not compatible, or because of something you do and he has not figured you out entirely yet? It takes a pretty high level of trust and certainty about someone for you to commit to that person, even if things are going great there can be plenty of factors that make you second guess whether your partner is really right for you. Try to know these factors and work then out instead of just assuming it's all on the other person.
I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years and he still won't move in with me. His excuse; he says he likes his space. Am I stupid to accept this? ..Probably. I wish I could ask Matthew personally what he thinks or what I should do. Also we have never gone on vacation together...but every year he goes away for a week to visit his cousins in the U..S. I have asked him if I can go along. His answer: he is going to be busy and I will be bored. So .......
💖 So that's why it fell through.💔
My self-worth naturally wouldn't settle for less. 💖
I'm'a wait for a man that loves me for the beautiful mess I am as a whole, not a few nice features they like at the time.
Why so many women have such low self-esteem? I don’t get it. I used to be like that a year ago, but aren’t these women tired of those kind of men. We’re not animals, I get it, but we can at least learn from them. No female in the jungle will accept a loser, why should we? If you have no personalities to sell a man work on yourself. A bird is not waiting for a mate to build her nest. She knows her duty. Know your duty as a woman. We choose. Not men. Do you want to bring havoc in the world or harmony. I want a peaceful world. A loving world. And it starts with us. We have power. You can change any men if you want. You can make any men commit if you want. If you bring value to the table. Know your worth. He will cherish you. If he doesn’t walk away. He’s a loser. Someone who’s three feet from a diamond mine and give up, he’s a loser. He should have went all the way. We’re so impatient. I’m tired of seeing children committing suicide, being abused—it’s not faire. Where is our compassion. You want to know the truth how to get a man commit beat his mother personalities’ in a positive way. I have said too much.
So I have a question on the “Bro Code”. There’s a guy you like right away but he has a girlfriend so you move on and end up having a thing with someone else for almost a year but don’t date them. And the two guys become super close friends. And after the “relationship” has ended on both parties. The first guy you liked ends up making a move on you and you go with it but then he says “ Don’t tell anyone , I don’t want drama with his friend and ex girlfriend” what do you do especially if it happens again. And he makes it a point to tell you again not to tell anyone?? Basically everyone is in the same circle of knowing each other.
I find the video misleading as it appears as if the problem relies on the lack of commitment from the guy and not on the lack of ability from the girl to lock him.
There are exceptions, but generally if a guy can't get a girl into bed, he's the problem. If a girl can't get a guy into commitment, she's the problem.
The evidence is that there usually is another guy who will be able to get that girl who won't have sex, to have sex, and there ususally is a girl who can get that guy who won't commit, to commit.
If you can't get the guy you want to commit it means you need to either A) lower the bar or B) become more attractive. For a girl is harder to become more attractive as the base of your attractiveness relies on your genetics (anyone telling you otherwise is selling you fairy tales).
So the sooner you get real, the better it will be for you. Drop the bar and get a less successful guy. If you don't do it and keep aiming at guys who are out of your league, you are harming yourself because you may try to lower the bar when your beauty has declined (e.g. 35 years old) beyond the bar that you could have actually had reached if you had decided to lower it sooner (25 years old).
This might be an ugly truth but you must see the beauty in you handling the ugliness of this truth.
Matthew.. Do you have experience in couples who are veterans with ptsd. We live separately now. We both tend to push each other away also depend on each others help.return from Iraq he changed. But I suffer from MST. But somehow we make it work. I want him to open up and love me and talk to me just the time he’s feels ok. I’m a sitting duck waiting for the time he offereing me a cracker then the cost is clear.#14yrs
Am I the veteran trying to be there again for him or do I do it because I care.are we dependents on each other can’t move on? But my love for him is strong. I’ve learn through group that these guy do this a lot to there gf or wives. So I assume it his ptsd and wait it out up to weeks to a good month. We have a child that goes back and forth and at time I stay over the night for family night. I don’t care if we get married or live together for now. I’m afraid of after the whole being a mother stop one day than what happens. So have you dealt with this before. Not normal for normal people but I’m ok with it for now
Simple: He understant that today's women are not capable or worthy of being a wife. They were not rise to be into long term realtionshiops and they have no skills to make a realtionship work.They have been with so many guys that by the time they hit the wall and want to so call seattle down, they can be truly truted! Their promiscuous behaviosr is a turn off for a rational man that will take her for what most women can provide nowadays - Sexual expereince! After over a decade of being with dozens of guys, one night stands , threesomes, cheating on their partners and so on , when women get old they want the man to just accepeted and dont take her past in consideration! Plus the fact that the Marriage laws and family court system is a rigged deal to benefiated women and children!
,MEN truly do not need women for anything..........sorry ladies, but you are a bunch of immature children.........YOU cant even name 1 benefit for a man to marry you, yet your life revolves around trying to manipulate and decieve MEN..
It all boils down to me not setting healthy boundaries and yeah, not being true to my standards. Hurts a lot but now I know better. For real. I need to be serious with my standards and myself before the right guy sees that and chooses me.
So its "immature" for a 30+ year old man to enjoy his peaking sexual market value, but its totally ok for a woman in her 20s, and thus in her prime, to enjoy riding the cock carousel? And when she is done banging bad boys, breaking hearts of betas and hits 30 she suddenly wants a high quality guy to commit, before her looks completly fade? No thanks. If I commit, I prefer the 23 year old with a single digit lay count, no kids and next to no emotional damage.
We've been texting and now he stopped. He said he enjoyed our talks but I know the reality is that he has so so many options both irl and on instagram. There's just no way to compete with those women, I'm beautiful but I'm not a model. There's no use to be smart,open, sincere and genuine it will never get you The guy.
Can you do videos about how to mantain a good relationship? Or things that we can do to make a relationship better?
Maybe you may think that if a relationship is good you don't need do give advices, but I think it would be nice for you to give examples on how to get the relationship better, etc. Since you are an expert about it. I am sure that you have a lot of great advices. I've been following you from years and I love your work, but I feel like now you are talking too often and too much about situatuon when "things don't work well" in a relationship and what to do about it. Great, but it would be even greater to talk about other aspects of love life as well.
Sorry if my english is not perfect, I think I made some mistakes or I was repetitive.
Have a nice day. :)
How do I let a guy I'm attracted to know that he can trust me.... Trust me with his difficult past, with his emotions, and mostly with himself? I keep trying to speak with him, letting him know I'm there for him whenever he wants, ignoring my problems to pay more attention to his emotions.... But it feels like the more I try, the more distant he becomes. How do earn his trust??
Thanks Matt for all the effort you do to awaken that feminist power in us.
Thanks you soo much.. your vedios help me a lot to know my worth and wht i want from a guy.. even though am still single but i know when i will meet the right guy form me i will know how to communicate my standards and everything i want from the relationship.. you're a miracle
Hy, I'm in my twenties, everyone says that at this age you have to go out, fall in love, have fun in short take the best out of you're life. And I agree, unfortunately I have the enormous insecurity that stops me from doing so. The braces on my teeth . Is it a big turn off? Or guys really don't care about it. Like lately I've been stressing out about it. Help me out please:') Btw love your relationships tips:)
Guy care much more about -
How many guys you've slept with
How attractive you are
How young you are
If you are a young virgin who's even average, you shouldn't have a problem most guys.
The biggest mistake women make at your age is thinking that it's okay to waste their youth being sluts. If you do this, only the least attractive men will be available in the future. Then they get to 30, have slept with dozens of guys, and realize that most men aren't interested anymore.
Also men sleeping with you doesn't mean they love you at all. And marriage laws are extremely unfair to men, so many won't marry regardless.
Also the braces thing doesn't matter.
Because marriage laws are stacked against men.
There is not a single woman in the world worth risking losing half or more of my assets to in a divorce. Maybe if you females were serious about getting a long term relationship, you'd actually advocate for men's rights.
Until then, try to enjoy getting pump and dumped, as marriage rates continue to plummet.
You refuted nothing I said. Marriage laws are extremely unfair to men, and that's why marriage rates are at the lowest they've been in about a century.
"As to retrofire, I gave the rare female agreement about divorce, custody formulas and laws, but you blew past it with your own agenda."
What are you smoking? The basis of my argument is that divorce laws are the primary reason men don't want to marry. THAT'S the agenda.
"Regarding genetics, I think it's more important to pass on intelligence, a good personality, and health."
Yeah, genetics. Your health, intelligence, and to a lesser extent personality are largely genetic. My father is a PhD, and he has several friends who are doctors as well. Guess how often their wives actually engage in an intellectual discussion? Never.
Women saying "I want a smart man." is really just saying "I want a rich man". Otherwise women would actually talk about science and philosophy more often. But instead, they shy away from discussion,as you are doing. It's no surprise you don't like Hitchens.
"Comedians. I clearly said women were as FUNNY as men"
I know, and you're wrong.
"Christopher Hitchens. Familiar..... I am not a fan."
Because you can't refute anything he says. No refutation of his arguments.
"Again, thanks for the debate "
You'd have to make arguments for it to be a debate.
You are annoyingly relentless like a toddler at a supermarket. But it happens. As to retrofire, I gave the rare female agreement about divorce, custody formulas and laws, but you blew past it with your own agenda. Anyway.... look, I agree that being physically attracted is important to desire -- we all have preferences -- but how much it matters and flexibility varies by the person assessing, and even as far as exceptions. People frequently like and/or fall in love with someone outside of their typical taste. I was not debating these, per se, but that you said none of the women whom I listed were attractive. I was saying that was shallow and irrelevant of you b/c the only person whose opinion counted were their husbands. Just worry about who and what you like.
Regarding genetics, I think it's more important to pass on intelligence, a good personality, and health. Cute, adorable, above average to full on handsome, and lovely are a bonus for anyone to get. And then.There is how someone maintains their looks. Usually intelligent people never let their intellect and curiosity get stale. But again, only the opinion of the 2 people involved matters.
Re the merits of marriage, I do not believe everyone "needs" to be married, but I do think they should give it serious and positive consideration.
Comedians. I clearly said women were as FUNNY as men, but that men have constantly impeded the success of women business-wise, thus lowering the #s. It's similar to other business sectors, and women's earning ratio to the dollar vs men, and more issues. THAT is not funny, or legitimate, and effects women badly and generational.
Christopher Hitchens. Familiar..... I am not a fan.
Again, thanks for the debate -- as it were -- but, I am not inclined to debate about about it further. It is too complex, time-consuming, andnot a priority with an online stranger -- and especially a man who peculiarly insists on trolling a site of videos intended for °Women° seemingly just to tell women and girls that marriage is worthless.
"And the lower number of female comedians has more to do with men impededing their success for many years than lack of talent. "
You mean that men are funnier than women, and out compete them. Yeah, that's what I said.
Why do people who love each other need to be married? I made the argument marriage wasn't worth it, and you haven't refuted that, and have only provided anecdotes.
"Your beauty comment was shallow and irrelevant."
Beauty is not shallow. That's the genetic material my child will inherit, and a person has to put work into themselves to be beautiful. Beauty is proof of a persons determination, handwork, and responsibility.
"I picked those people quickly and as ones nearly anyone would be familiar. There was no subtext to those choices whatsoever."
And they all just happen to be wives of extremely wealthy men. Yeah sure, what a coincidence.
Christopher Hitchens explained thoroughly why women aren't funny, and you have demonstrated it yourself. Women don't have to be funny to attract a partner.
I have sooo witnessed number 5 in some women due to desperation. Despite my honesty and red flags I waved, they stuck around either hoping for something more or fooling themselves into thinking they're in something they ain't .when I never contracted them, they always chased me. This is having low self value
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for quite some time now, he says he loves me but he won’t introduce me to his parents. I worry he is afraid of what they will think and will then give me the “I’m not like other girls speech”. I feel like his parents don’t even know I exist.
Hello Matthew Hussey.
i have this guy I’m seeing he’s a great guy but sometimes i feel like he’s not the one for me. We have a lot of miscommunication at times and we brake up a lot and get back together. There some things bout him that i don’t like, it make me feel like I’m settling when i just put up with it. He lied me too bout having 6 kids and he drinks a lot. I’m not trying to change him, it just bothers me a lot. idk what to do How do i know if i found the one for me? Or how do i found the one for me?
Also i want to end it with him. I don’t know how ?? Please help!!!!!
I'm only 14 years old but since this society of today where you have to be like with eyes opened around you 24/7 so you won't get played or get hurt for us teenagers these are really helpful so tku so much ❤
Angela Calleja. I meant to say "You're welcome" days ago.... but here it is! Have you had time to view Emily Wilson's video, look up the 5 Love Languages and try to find a test (I can dig up a link), and what constitutes a true apology?
Alternatively, here is some fun - but sort of serious. I'm not that into horoscopes and go around asking people's sign's or offering mine, but I do love this link someone gave to me. It will give a detailed, interesting assessment. Mine is spot on! I keep a copy to have in case the link.ever goes down and I do read it sometimes.
And like at my age its hard to have like a real relationship I've been through break ups which made me feel like I'm useless and when I found this happy place in my life I understood the meaning of love and I keep understanding by listening to an amazing professional Matthew hussey which prepare me for my future to have a good beginning to start with .
Angela Calleja. Wonderful that you are trying to learn what you can! Matthew Hussey is one of the better resources with a higher bar of respectability. So 14 is a great age to relax and enjoy so much. I know you hear it alot, but it's true! Some advice: Try not to worry too much about all of this now. Make learning how to find and keep really good friends -- potentially lifelong ones -- the most important thing especially through college if you go, or through age 21.
There are people in my life whom I wished that I had recognized better as friends, but now I can't find them (so don't always count on it). : ( Sometimes laziness on my/both parts, or slowly fell out of touch, or what I know now to be a silly disagreement. It will become an incredible gift to say that you have known and loved certain friends for 10, 15, 20+ yrs -- and have history with them about different things in your lives like pure nonsense, secrets, joys, tears .... and deaths.
Here's some recommendations:
The Love Languages -- Read and understand what this is and find an online test to take. Maybe even ask your parents to take it, too. This concept and your results will help you understand yourself and anyone better. You'll see!
Apology -- Research what makes a proper one. It's actually more complex than it seems. This is a game changer.
How I Knew My Husband was "THE ONE"
[ I'm not super religious or anything, or go to church, but I like this YTer who is Christian. She got married and is pregnant now. So I think this video is good and helpful to anyone if even they happen to disagree with her. But I think it nicely compliments the video of these current comments we are in by Matthew Hussey. ]
These are good things that will serve you well with any friendship, family relationship, or love relationships. As you can see by these comments which are mostly by adults, these videos and love are tricky, tough, confusing, and sometimes heartbreaking even for us adults! So in this more relaxed time of your life from 14 to 21 -- especially 14 - 17/18 -- try to learn about human nature, how different girls and boys really are in how they express things and emotions (I saw on tv a psychologist said that boys and men talk more and better when doing an activity, vs girls and women who will sit and talk with eye contact just fine - fyi: it works!), keep building your confidence in this world that is constantly suffocating girls and women in so many ways (still hard as you get older and more is at stake), think about and build your emotional dreams and take them on like a school course, but without obessing or anything. Friends are more important now.
You, and what you want will matter to the right person who will stop in his tracks for you and want to do the incredible work that is a relationship, partnership - and marriage if that is what is important to you. It may take you a few people for you and your person to find one another. But it will happen.
I hope this is helpful in some way. When I was 12, there was a neighbor who took my thoughts and questions seriously and it meant alot. She said a few things that have stayed with me. One thing was that I might be little and young, but no matter what, I had power then and will ALL of my life - as a girl, as a woman, as a human being. (Thanks Mrs. L. !)
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